Facing My Greatest Fear Each treatment ravished my body. When I got to the last one, my body was phys-


 But it was my choice.


As I waited for my blood work results, I wrestled with God about my decision.


“Do I truly believe that You are in control? Do I completely believe that You placed these people in my story to provide me with this care? Am I willing to suffer again and become more powerless?” My blood work came back well to proceed with my last chemotherapy dosage. The nurse asked, “Do you want your last treatment?”  few days earlier. “Now is the time to trust,” my heart whispered. Then I said, “Let’s do it.” I chose more suffering and powerlessness.


Suffering Leads to Maturity. Suffering is not only the way to redemption but also the way to a life of ma-


turity. Jesus says, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24) To deny oneself, one must learn humility, obedience, and surrender. Humility means I have an awareness greater than myself. I don’t lean on my understanding, competency, or desires. I love, think, and care with the realiza- tion that others are more important than me. I continue to love even if my care involves personal suffering, Obedience means listening to an authority greater than myself. I am disciplined and follow feedback even when I disagree. I trust other’s wisdom even if their instructions hurt me in the moment. Surrender means releasing my desired outcome for something greater than myself. I am willing to give up my wants, wills, and wishes for a greater purpose. I have a perspective that does not focus on the temporary 


Jesus stared down our greatest fear— death— through suffering. It was the only way to win the war. The gospel pro- claims victory. The gos- pel calls me by name- beloved! The gospel redeems fear into faith.


The Gaze of the Savior As of December 2023, I am in remission and cancer-free. Suffering leads


to redemption. Jesus stared down our greatest fear – death - through suf- fering. It was the only way to win the war. The gospel proclaims victory. The gospel calls me by name - beloved! The gospel redeems my fear into  When I live in humility, obedience, and surrender, I enter a greater nar- rative of God’s design. God is sovereign—He is powerful and in control of my life’s situation. Life is not about me. It is about loving everyone beyond me— an eternal perspective. Suffering redeemed me from fear. Pain is God’s instrument of grace to grow me into who I need to become.


Powerlessness is not my enemy (though I still struggle) but a friend that leads me to intimacy. Although still crooked at times, my faith is no longer sideways. Grace keeps it straight.


Krista looked into my eyes. She saw my soul and then I saw me. She helped me deal with my biggest enemy. My wife is a conduit of grace. Now, when I look into her eyes, I see my Savior gazing back at me.


Dr. Steve Benson is a member of Back Creek ARP Church in Charlotte, NC. He received his D. Ed. Min from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He also earned a Master of Arts in Counseling from Covenant Theological Seminary and a Master of Divinity from Reformed Theological Seminary.


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