Healthy Relationships FELL OWSHIP MINISTRIES


by GARY KREHBIEL, MINISTRIES COORDINATOR


When is the last time you thought about your health? That may have been a difficult question to answer just a couple years back, but 2020 changed that too. It seems like health is top of mind all the time now. Personal health, national health, economic health, and, for Christians, church health are of genuine concern for us all.


We have a significant number of churches that are


in the midst of some sort of transition. A few of them are employing interim pastors as they seek new pastors and part of the interim process is for the church to assess its health and consider ways to grow even before the new pastor arrives. However, that assessment is not for times of transitions alone. The FEBC recognizes that and we have been and are continuing to develop resources and materials to help churches assess aspects of their health including things such as evaluations for pastors and elders.


About a year ago, I was able to attend an interim pas-


tor training weekend. One of the presenters talked about the process that he had taken a church through as their interim pastor. As he guided their assessment of their own health, he discovered that there were broken and damaged relationships in the church. That is a common problem within churches. Let’s face it, we’re all broken as well. So the pastor, Jim Fleming, designed a study around ten keys or commitments to healthy relationships and encouraged the congregation to make them a focus of their church life. I’d like to share them with you.


The underlying principle is found in Jesus’ prayer in


John 17:20-21. Jesus prayed for his immediate disciples but also for those who would believe through their testimony. He was praying for us, so that we may be one, so that the world would believe that God sent him. The first three commitments promote healthy relationships by encour- aging personal growth, and the other seven are key to pre- venting the damage of sin in relationships. Each principle is followed by a commitment we can make.


1. Godliness. I will daily live for God’s pleasure.


Healthy relationships can be built only on a foundation of personal godliness. We will only be as fruitful and useful as we are faithful.


2. Word-devotion. I will daily seek God’s instruction


in His Word. Healthy relationships are structured accord- ing to Biblical principles. The Bible is the reference for everything.


FELLOWSHIP FOCUS, JUNE/JULY 2021 10


3. Prayer. I will daily ask for


His help in prayer. Healthy rela- tionships are sustained by earnest prayer. Prayer is the humble acknowledgement of our complete dependence on God.


4. Restraint. I will check my tongue. Healthy rela-


tionships are preserved by thoughtful restraint of one’s tongue. Scripture makes it clear that words can be life-giv- ing or destructive. Restraint is the quality that prevents us from saying the first thing that comes to mind.


5. Truthfulness. I will get the facts. Healthy rela-


tionships are grounded in a tenacious commitment to the truth. No matter how strongly felt, perceptions are no substitute for truth.


6. Devotion. I will use my words to encourage and


bring out the best in others. Healthy relationships are protected through loving devotion to each other. Our goal should be to build an environment of encouragement.


7. Graciousness. I will go directly and minister grace


to one with whom I need to reconcile. Healthy relationships thrive when I minister grace. Rather than belittle or slan- der someone, go directly to them and approach them in a way that gives them the best opportunity to respond well.


8. Humility. I will humbly receive instruction from


another. Healthy relationships excel through humble teachability. We must resist pride and a critical spirit. Relationships are damaged when one party believes that there is nothing to be learned from someone else.


9. Reconciliation. I will deploy the twin graces of


confession and forgiveness. Healthy relationships use res- toration to neutralize the effects of sin. This is the choice not to harbor bitterness, anger, or festering disappoint- ment with another but rather keep short accounts and confess one’s sin to those that have been offended.


10. Oneness. I will embrace personal cost to protect


our unity. Healthy relationships stand against whatever threatens our oneness in Christ. We need to value unity enough to maintain our shared purpose above ourselves.


Whether meeting together in person or adjusting to


small group and virtual meetings, we can choose commit- ments that produce the kind of oneness for which Jesus prayed. The kind of oneness that demonstrates the trans- forming power of Jesus Christ so that the world will know that Jesus is from God and is the Savior of the world.


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