Depending on a child’s development, it may be helpful for a child to draw the caregiver a picture or keep a parent’s article of clothing, such as a scarf, while separated. Depending on the setting, an adult can help the child create a video for the caregiver. The caregiver can also do the same for the child while separated. Focusing on what a child is able to do or choices they can make while away from the caregiver will likely give the child control in the situation and help reduce anxious symptoms.
After a Separation After the separation, focus on what the child did well. Utilizing the separation may help the child integrate the memory in a positive way. Encourage the child with phrases, such as, “You did it!” “You were able to draw a picture and stay calm while I was gone!” “You knew I’d be back” will help the child realize they were able to feel safe during the separation.
What to Avoid Encourage caregivers to be truthful and direct. Saying, “I’ll be right back,” when the child will not see the parent until after a school day may be helpful for the parent in the moment yet will likely cause more anxiety for the child. It is important to build trust and ensure the child feels safe. Encourage caregivers to avoid dismissing the child’s fears or encouraging them to be “tough” as this will likely increase their anxiety. Conversely, do not excessively coddle a child as this may increase their levels of concern and worry (Schaefer & DiGeronimo, 2000). Further, caregivers should avoid giving in and
allowing the child to stay home from school, prolonging the goodbye or never leaving a child alone. These actions can inadvertently increase separation anxiety symptoms and often result in a child feeling confirmed in their perception of danger. Lastly, avoid threatening a child based in his or her fear, such as, “If you don’t calm down, I’ll leave you here,” as this will also have the potential to increase a child’s worry (Schaefer & DiGeronimo, 2000).
Conclusion Separation anxiety is a typical developmental stage from 9 months in older children with separation anxiety, likely as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. When children and caregivers are provided with support and education, they are better able to understand their symptoms of separation anxiety and can be equipped with tools to combat their anxious feelings. Play therapists are an integral part of the child’s treatment and outcomes.
References American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders
Children’s mental health during the COVID-19 pandemic. https://www.
luriechildrens.org/en/blog/childrens-mental-health-pandemic- statistics/
Berger, K. S. (2011). The developing person through childhood and adolescence
Separation anxiety is a
typical developmental stage from 9 months to 3 to 4 years of age; however, the author has seen an increase in older children with separation anxiety, likely as a result of the COVID pandemic.
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