No one wants to feel left out, especially about important decisions.
Determine the Source of Conflict If you identify what is motivating you and others, then you can address the real issues behind people’s reactions. Skilled negotiators take time to determine motivations and can recognize when the source of conflict is a core concern not being met. When we can recognize that conflict oſten stems
from another motivation, sometimes called ulterior motives, we can take steps to acknowledge the need or want that isn’t being fulfilled. Tere are typically four things that secretly motivate our actions:
• Appreciation — Everyone needs to know that what they do is appreciated and valued.
• Affiliation — We want to be part of the group. No one wants to feel left out, especially about important decisions.
• Autonomy — Everybody wants to feel like they have their own runway, and everyone wants a little latitude to make their own calls.
• Role and status — If there’s somebody in the group who feels they’re diminished, it sets us up for con- flict. Honor one another and create an environment where we are protecting each other’s role and status. Let there be no “egg” on anyone’s face.
My prayer and hope are that we would all have a moment of honesty and reflection and that you would take these tools, sharpen them and put them to use. Becoming a skilled negotiator in times of con- flict is a tangible asset you can attain. Many people go their whole lives and careers never understanding why they have so much conflict and difficulty with others. These same people are often thwarted with ongoing feelings of discord and frustration. However, if we take time to reflect on our own tendencies and communication habits and deliberately work on adopting better methods of communication and better ways of dealing with our own emotions, then we will grow to become the peacemakers and sowers of reconciliation Jesus calls us to be. Scripture says that the heart is deceitful above all
things and it’s an uncontrollable wickedness, but that only God sees the heart. By the power of the Holy Spirit, God can move in our lives and our minds, help us identify our own natural tendencies and give us the ability to lead others successfully by communicating strategically. May the way we lead honor our Lord in every way.
Steve Garcia is the founding president and executive director of TM Camping, a camp management company. Having been employed at Tousand Pines Christian Camp since 2002, and aſter 27 years in full-time Christian ministry, he launched TM Camping at the end of 2022. TM Camping consists of seven camping companies in various locations, specializing in Christian camping, conference center management and outdoor adventure recreation. Garcia has an MBA from the University of Redlands, and he teaches negotiation and conflict resolution courses at the School of Business at California Baptist University.
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