Kaitlynn described the scene emotionally, stating the hardest part was that the girls were the “first real friends I ever made” and she “never forgave” her father. Kaitlynn never told her father about her feelings because he “never listened to me” and when she expressed sadness about moving, her father said, “home is where the military moves us.” I (first author) asked Kaitlynn to give the figure in the tray representing herself as a child a voice and talk to the figure representing “Dad.” While Kaitlynn “spoke” to her dad, I reflected feelings of anger, betrayal, sadness, loss, and rejection and listened for themes of unmet needs. Two needs were salient through the exploration: the need to have power/choice/control and the need to have emotional experiences validated as genuine and important. Kaitlynn chose figures to represent these two themes and we explored how these two themes were not isolated to the described situation but, rather, a consistent feeling across her childhood.
Connecting to the Parent Ego State Next, on the other side of the tray, Kaitlynn portrayed the “meltdown” Olivia had after refusing to do homework, which had become a pattern this school year, and prompted seeking play therapy. Out of exasperation, she removed Olivia’s privileges for one week (i.e., TV, tablet, playing with neighborhood friends). Olivia became angry, yelled at her mother, and asked to live with her dad. In response, Kaitlynn intensified the consequences and extended the loss of privileges to two weeks.
Reconnecting With the Child Ego State Initially, it was difficult for Kaitlynn to identify Olivia’s feelings, but it became easier once she spoke from the figure representing Oliva. She said she didn’t like shuffling between the two houses and that the different rules at each house were frustrating. She also identified that in-person school was hard after a year and a half of virtual learning and she was struggling to keep the required pace. Kaitlynn identified that Olivia was likely feeling confused, scared, overwhelmed, sad, and abandoned. Speaking as Olivia, Kaitlynn said she “wished everyone didn’t expect me to be perfect,” and that “I’m trying my hardest.”
Kaitlynn chose three figures to represent her relational, academic, and emotional needs. With additional coaching and processing, Kaitlynn drew a parallel between her persistent feeling of having been dismissed as a developing child and engaging in a similar pattern with Olivia in the present. She acknowledged that she often overcompensated for Olivia’s feelings because Kaitlynn felt responsible for the divorce, though she recognized that she was not consistent in setting rules and consequences with Olivia. She also recognized the dismissive quality of relying on hard boundaries and consequences rather than and processing Olivia’s feelings.
Ego-Integration Phase In the final phase, Kaitlynn was able to identify Olivia’s needs more objectively, separating her emotions from the behavior and viewing the situation from a neutral stance. Together, we identified
specific ways to support the transition back to in-person school by creating supportive daily rituals and emotional check-ins. She also committed to adjusting her limit setting to promote consistency between homes with built-in time for transition. We also modified the treatment plan to incorporate more concrete methods for increasing emotional
literacy within the family unit and parent
consultations to conceptualize behaviors from a needs-based perspective.
Conclusion Sandtray is a dynamic modality for increasing awareness of disintegrated parts of self for adults in play therapy. Through evoking and understanding ego states, adults may expand awareness of the childhood messages they received and the ongoing impact these messages have in their adult life. As these messages are clarified, caregivers increase their capacity to attend to their child’s needs in such a way that improves attunement and attachment.
References Games people play: The psychology of human relationships. Penguin Books.
Homeyer, L. E., & Lyles, M. N. (2022). Advanced sandtray therapy: Digging deeper into clinical practice. Routledge. of caregiving for the healthy attachment. Norton.
Siegal, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2020). Ballentine Books. I. & Joines, V.
Stewart, analysis. Lifespace Publications.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2015). body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Renee Turner, PhD, LPC-S, RPT-S, is a play therapy author, researcher, and trainer who specializes in trauma, grief and loss, embodied play therapy, and play therapy supervision. She practices from a relational Gestalt framework and relies on sandtray and expressive therapies to help clients integrate experiences.
drreneeturner@gmail.com
Emily R. Keller, PhD, LMHC-S, RPT-S, works with children, individuals, and families to help them heal from childhood trauma and to live in joy and connection. Dr. Keller lives in Livermore, CA, with her husband and four boys.
emily@dremilykeller.com
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