Combining sandtray therapy with the TA ego states model helps clients distinguish their own adaptations of unmet childhood needs from the here-and-now needs of their children and to disentangle the caregiver and child by projecting a visual
needs and facilitating emotional boundaries. Visualizing Needs Through Sandtray Engagement
Prior to sandtray engagement, help the caregiver connect with a time in their childhood in which they felt overlooked or as if their needs did not matter to the adults in their life (e.g., caregivers, teachers, others with authority). The most substantial insights will develop from a situation or time that still holds an emotional charge. Listen for themes similar to the present dynamic with their child but resist discussing parallels until deeper insights emerge.
In this structured sandtray prompt, draw a line down the center of the tray and instruct the caregiver to choose figures to represent the struggle of this time on one side of the tray. Using verbal processing, identify the situation and explore the emotions associated with this experience. As much as possible,
somatosensory awareness to access the deeper memories of the felt experience. The following series of questions is an example of deepening awareness.
Connecting to the Child Ego State “I’d like to talk to the child in you that remembers this time. Speaking as that child, what was happening for you at this time? In what ways were you misunderstood by the adults around you? What were you feeling, even if you didn’t show it? What emotional, relational, physical, or spiritual needs were present at that time? How could the adults in your life have helped this situation, even if it was not possible to change the outcome?” End this phase of the sandtray by asking the adult to choose a figure or figures to represent the unmet needs.
As with any trauma-based work, exploring childhood memories can elicit a range of somatic and emotion-based trauma responses (van der Kolk, 2015). In these cases, psychoeducation on trauma responses and how childhood struggles carry into adulthood are fruitful. If the caregiver experiences these symptoms to the degree that they become dysregulated, apply a “less-is-more” approach and focus on returning the client to a safe window of tolerance through grounding and supportive techniques to help the adult increase their capacity for emotional regulation (van der Kolk, 2015). It is also important to explicitly clarify the goal and limits of your psychotherapeutic work together and provide referrals to caregivers who would benefit from deeper individual work.
Connecting to the Parent Ego State In a state of regulation, proceed with the other side of the tray, and instruct the client to create a situation with their child(ren). Once completed, process with the adult client their emotional reactions during and after the dynamic plays out. Listen for should and
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shouldn’t language and explore childhood messages the caregiver received about their acceptable and unacceptable emotions and behaviors and the validity of their needs.
representation of
Reconnecting With the Child Ego State Next, transition the client with a statement like, “I’d like you to connect to yourself as a child. Speaking from your Child ego state, say what ways you are misunderstood by the adults around you. What are you feeling, even if you don’t show it? What emotional, relational, physical, or spiritual needs are present? How can the adults in your life help the situation, even if it is not possible to change the outcome?” The primary emphasis during this phase is to broaden the caregiver’s empathic awareness of their child’s (progeny’s) lived experience. Pointed emotional reflections can foster compassion and target alternative interactional responses. End this phase of the sandtray by asking the caregiver to choose a figure or figures to represent their Child ego state’s unmet needs.
facilitate here-and-now
Ego-Integration Phase The goal of the final phase of the process is to expand any gained empathy and compassion into a stance of relational action. Processing attunement, attachment styles, and emotional boundaries further aid the caregiver in understanding their role as a co-regulator and agent of change within the family unit.
“Now I’d like to talk to you, the Adult again. What does your child (progeny) need from you? What specific needs are either not met or not met in the way they need? How can your Child help your Adult
relate to what your child needs? How will meeting these
needs positively influence your child (progeny)? How will meeting these needs positively influence your relationship with your child (progeny)?”
Composite Case Illustration
Preparation Phase Kaitlynn (pseudonym, 36 years old) requested play therapy sessions persistent behavioral concerns present in her home but not present in the school setting or at her ex-husband’s (Olivia’s father) home. After a family session revealed a dynamic of behavioral control and emotional dismissiveness toward Olivia, the therapist requested a parent consultation to explore some of the underlying dynamics. Because Kaitlynn had engaged with family play therapy in previous sessions, she was comfortable with the process and agreed to use the sandtray without hesitation.
Connecting to the Child Ego State Kaitlynn created a scene about a long-term conflict she had with her father, an officer in the U.S. military. She described one particularly painful move in middle school when she did not have the opportunity to say goodbye to her two best friends. According to Kaitlynn, she and her friends were planning a sleepover, but her father would not without saying goodbye.
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