I was hired to provide technical assistance and train- ing on race, gender, and disproportionality in school districts. I was often called in after things got really bad, generally after the state accountability system kicked in or there was negative press involving the district. My job was to get folks talking about race and gender issues in profound, meaningful ways that served as catalysts for systemic change. The work was not easy. Fortunately, Metro Center dedicated substantial time and money to ensure that employees received high- quality, ongoing training to understand themselves better. Unfortunately, my personal growth was circu- itous at best.
On my first performance evaluation, LaRuth Gray gave me the following feedback: You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, Know when to fold ‘em, Know when to walk away, And know when to run. These lyrics are from “The Gambler,” which tells the story of the risks and rewards of life vis-à-vis a game of poker (Schlitz 1976). Through the many hands dealt, you are the constant. The better you know yourself and how to read and respond appropriately in the moment, the better the odds are in your favor.
The core of negotiation is having difficult conversations with people who hold power and want things that you may not want or that are not in the best interest of your organization.
Gray’s feedback served as a catalyst. Choosing to engage in work that cut to the core emotions associ- ated with identity and belonging required me to know myself, which took time, work, and a willingness to be vulnerable.
Brené Brown (2012) describes vulnerability as “uncer-
tainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” For those of us who have experienced discrimination because of who we love, our skin color, or our physical or mental abilities, and for those of us who have experienced the trauma of having our body, mind, or spirit violated, vulnerability
16 JULY/AUGUST 2021 | SCHOOL BUSINESS AFFAIRS
often brings up intense feelings of shame and fear that make it difficult to let our guard down. This is especially true in high-stakes and emotionally fraught situations like negotiations. It will feel counterintuitive to be vul- nerable; however, there is power in doing so. School business leaders need to attend to the messy work of reckoning with deeply held beliefs, biases, and emotional triggers so that meaningful relationships are built and progress is made for our students, staff, and community. No one course of action will work univer- sally. Some find that therapy, training, or reading sociol- ogy or critical literacy books works. Others find what they seek by hiking, biking, fixing cars, baking, or mak- ing art. Whatever it takes, do it.
The core of negotiation is having difficult conversa- tions with people who hold power and want things that you may not want or that are not in the best interest of your organization. You can’t negotiate well if you don’t know who you are, what pushes your buttons, and how to recognize your triggers and biases before the other party reads you and gets the upper hand.
Lessons Learned
The same enduring habits of successful learners that teachers do their best to instill in students are necessary for successful negotiation.
Come prepared. Prepare before any meeting with a business, community organization, or government agency. Make sure you know who the players are and what purpose they serve in the organization. Talk with colleagues to better understand the history of the rela- tionship, what works, and what does not. Read existing agreements. Get advice from key people in your district. Most agreements boil down to legalities and money; so more specifically, seek advice from legal counsel and the district’s finance leaders.
Stay organized. About 24 hours before the meeting, contact everyone. Share the agenda, solicit feedback, and offer to facilitate the meeting. Immediately before the meeting, take time to self-reflect on the meeting goals and desired outcome. Start the meeting with a grounding exercise. It can be informal or specific to the moment, but it should always be intentional. Take personal notes throughout the meeting. Set target dates, deadlines, and metrics for success.
Engage. Pace the meeting to get through the agenda in the time allocated; however, don’t be bound to the agenda. It is more important to listen to what people are saying at any given moment. Watch for nonverbal clues to see whether what the other party’s members are say- ing is aligned with what their body language is commu- nicating. When both check out, move the agenda along.
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