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Doe Code of Honor
The doe’s secret code of honor is as old as goats them- selves and is the species’ best kept secret. No doe shall ever kid before its time. (Its time being determined by the following factors):
1. No kid shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved. Your owner’s house must be a wreck, their family hungry and desperate for clean clothes and their social life nonexistent.
2. “Midwives” must reach the babbling fool status before you kid out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inabil- ity to form a sentence mean the time is getting close.
3. For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you, kidding must be delayed by at least one day for each item. If they use an audio monitor, one good yell per hour will keep things interesting.
4. If you hear the words, “She’s nowhere near ready. She’ll be fine while we’re away for the weekend,” Wait until they load the car, then begin pushing!
5. Owner stress must be at an all-time high! If you are in the care of someone else, 10 to 15 phone calls a day is a sign you’re getting close.
6. When you hear the words “I can’t take it anymore!” wait at least three more days. 7. You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are mandatory! Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket
and then walking away from it, and nesting, are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.
8. The honor of all goats is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your barn mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. Oh, they made him do tricks, too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also be avenged at this time.
9. If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have the kids, listen to the weather fore- cast on the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe storm warning is what you’re waiting for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait mis- sing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!
10. Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the barn to check you. Your barn mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too.
Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly special goats are. Do your best to re- ward those who wait with a beautiful doeling to carry on the Doe Code of Honor for the next generation of those who wait. — Author Unknown
April 2021 | Goat Rancher 37
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