De-escalating Conflict  Continued From Page 25


or “What is the best way that I can help you with this?” It may sound corny, but by focusing on the other person’s feelings, we communicate empathy. If the other person believes you are empathetic to their situation, they will likely calm down and be able to hold a rational conversation.


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Questions that put people on the spot can come across as condescending.


De-escalation is meant to calm people in a dispute. It is not meant to immediately solve the problem presented. Thus, it may make sense to ignore challenges from the other person. Instead acknowledge their emotion, what they are feeling, and assure them that you are willing to work together to find a solution. This will help build trust.


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Ignore challenges from the other person. Instead, acknowledge their emotion.


lower their voice, and that person refuses to do so, you are not de-escalating the crisis. In fact you are doing the opposite. If certain requests, such as to lower a voice, are ignored, try another technique—such as moving from standing to a sitting position—as part of your de- escalation strategy.


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If your requests for a lower voice are ignored, try sitting instead of standing. 26 Community Associations Journal | November–December 2022


Be careful what you ask for. If you take the position that you will not speak to the other person until they


Ignore challenging questions from the other person.


condescending, which will only escalate the conflict. For example, ask “What is making you feel this way?”


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Respect personal space. You should provide as much personal space as possible to the other person. Do not


touch the other person. Allowing the other person personal space communicates openness—this is subtle, but effective.


Allowing the other person personal space communicates openness.


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Watch your nonverbal communication. If you are standing rigidly in front of a person, pointing your


finger, gesturing excessively, or faking a smile, the other person will likely read these nonverbal tells as hostile. Instead, try standing relaxed and to the side of the person.


Keep your hands down and visible at all times.


Keep your hands down and visible at all times. If you must use your hands, use slow, deliberate movements. Never fake a smile—a neutral and attentive face works wonders.


Never fake a smile. A neutral and


attentive face works wonders. Use slow,


deliberate movements. Know Your Limits


Know your limits. Be aware of your emotions and how you are reacting to the situation. If you feel the situation is getting out of hand, it is appropriate to end the discussion.


If you feel the situation is getting out of hand, it is appropriate to end the discussion.


It may now be time to suggest mediation or otherwise obtain the help of a neutral third party to help resolve the dispute.


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