CLINICAL EDITOR’S COMMENTS: W
Caretakers are a vital partner in the growth of a child throughout their play therapy process.
hen you take on a child client, you take on a family system. The demand of this complexity can feel
taxing, especially for a new play therapist. By comparison, working with an individual adult client tends to involve fewer levels of engagement. Additional demands acknowledged, it must also be acknowledged that a play therapist’s relationship with a child client’s parents is critical in the play therapy process and holds the potential for important work in tandem with the therapy provided directly to the child.
While the term parents will be used throughout this article, it is done with the understanding that parents are not always the primary caregivers responsible for a child’s upbringing. Grandparents, foster parents, stepparents, and others are often doing this important work as well. Their parenting work and intentional choice to parent is honored here and the term “parent/s” is used only for conciseness of speech in this article.
work, and thus must be intentionally examined. Examining one’s own beliefs, assumptions, structure, and expectations around parenting support – and establishing systems, approaches, and structures effectiveness as a play therapist and managing the daily demands of the work. This article shares some thoughts from research and from clinician experience regarding how to establish a framework and foundational understanding of parent consultation.
Foundation: Partnering with Parents Explaining to parents their involvement in therapy is an integral aspect of informed consent, part of explaining the boundaries and uniqueness of the counseling relationship. Sharing one’s theoretical approach to parent consultation work is part of the early therapeutic work. For example, I overtly state how I work as a clinician, namely that as a play therapist who relies heavily on family systems theory, regularly with them as parents. I often explain the basics of family systems theory, as well as the basics of play therapy, particularly as it pertains to their child’s current developmental level. I share with them that my desire is to partner with them – and even better yet, equip them – to best help their child.
While having the conversation is one piece of the work, another piece is the therapist's internal process. In this case, the internal process is twofold. Therapists need congruency internally when
making statements such as this. One must mean that they intend to partner with a child's parents and have faith in a parent’s ability and willingness to parent their child in a way that meets their child’s needs. Secondarily, the play therapist must be or become secure in a play therapist, or they are likely to shy away from this kind of direct approach (Solt, 2013).
It can be easy for novice or worn-out clinicians to fall into the trap of their pain and distress, and it can be very easy to see the impact of adults on that pain. Play therapists play an important role in holding adults accountable and making reports when necessary, as is their legal and ethical obligation. It is also play therapists’ ethical obligation to seek support with trusted colleagues to share the frustration and helplessness felt when seeing kids struggle. Neglecting to seek one’s own support and instead shifting a sense of helplessness to parents by blaming them would be unfair, a way of passing along “dirty pain” (Menakem, 2017) versus processing one’s own experience so that the therapist can instead meet parents in a partnering way.
A better starting point is the same place we start with kids: unconditional positive regard (Rogers, 1959, as cited in Stulmaker, 2018), cultural humility, limit setting when needed, and respect for the self-determination and untapped potential of all people. When a play therapist starts there with a child – even an angry, acting out or a withdrawn “acting in” child – they feel it, and they respond to it. When a play therapist starts there with a parent – even an angry, frustrated, controlling parent or an anxious, worried, scared parent – they feel it, and they respond to it. Better yet, when the play therapist can start there with both – oh, the change that can be made in a family system! And that is one of the very real powers of effective parent consultation in tandem with effective play therapy.
A play therapist starts therapy with a child client by engaging in relationship building and assessment; the beginning of the work with the child’s parents starts in the same way. Understanding a child’s basic needs (to be seen, to feel safe, to play) matters; understanding understand how this investment in time and resources is helping or not) matters. Addressing these adult matters directly and in the
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