JCBA PRESIDENT’S PAGE Hon. Jenifer Ashford, 2023 JCBA President
notation and schedule court anyway. I want to be accommodating. On Good Friday a few weeks ago, I had
an at orney say “Judge, you must really like having Friday aſt ernoon court – Wyan- dot e Court is closed for Good Friday and here you are calling cases at 4:45.” Do I re- ally like having court on Friday aſt ernoon up until 5:00? Not really. Do I have an issue with set ing boundaries? Yes. Yes, I do. Does this sound like you? Are you tak-
the Herbert Walton Bench Bar conference where Danielle Hall with K LAP spoke to us about set ing healthy boundaries, taking care of ourselves, and get ing help before we fi nd ourselves with our personal life in shambles or defending ourselves in front of the disciplinary panel. As the truancy judge in Johnson Coun-
A
ty, students appear before me describing feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, panic at acks, and lack of motivation. T ey avoid school altogether or arrive late. T ey fail to turn in assignments or turn them in past the due date constantly asking for ex- tensions. T ey get so far behind in their schoolwork that it feels overwhelming and impossible to catch up. Sound famil- iar?
Danielle pointed out that at orneys
like to help people. But because you want to help someone, doesn’t mean they get unlimited access to you. You need to set healthy boundaries. I am terrible about set ing up time for
administrative duties. Actually, I’m very good about set ing aside time on my cal- endar for offi ce hours but lack follow through. I see the time blocked off on my calendar. T e at orney and client are re- questing a quick set ing and I don’t have any other time available. So, I ignore my
4 the barletter May/June 2023
re you shining bright like a dia- mond or burning out like an old candle? T is last week I at ended
ing client calls outside of business hours? During family dinner or the kids’ bedtime routine? Are you going up to check work emails before bed and fi nding yourself still at it aſt er midnight? If this sounds like you, then you may be
like me and need to do a bet er job at set ing and maintaining boundaries. At the initial client meeting, establish the preferred way of communication between yourself and your client. Is it okay to text? Call? Or is email the preferred manner of communica- tion? What qualifi es as an emergency that warrants an aſt erhours call or email? Next, hold the client and yourself to those boundaries. If you respond to emails at 10:00 at night, you open yourself up to a response from the client and further en- gagement. You can write an email at night and then delay the delivery of the email until the next morning (in Outlook, you select the Options tab and then Delay De- livery and set the time you would like the email to be delivered). You accomplished a task by promptly replying to a client’s email, but you won’t get sucked into the vortex of a never-ending exchange of response, reply, and repeat. T at takes me to the next point. We
all know the stress responses of Fight or Flight. You may even know about Fight, Flight, and Freeze. But Danielle told us that there are four recognized responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. Fawn? Now that was a new one for me.
Simplepsychology.org defi nes these four
responses as follows: • Fight: facing any perceived threat ag-
gressively.
• Flight: running away from danger. • Freeze: unable to move or act against
a threat. • Fawn: immediately acting to please to
avoid any confl ict. T at website also explains that the dan- ger or threat could be a physical danger/ threat or a psychological/threat danger. I admit, I am guilty of fawning. It isn’t neces- sarily to avoid confl ict. Rather it is to avoid disappointing someone. Can I schedule just one more case on that Friday aſt er- noon? Can I at end an event to support a worthy cause or organization? Can I serve on one more board or commit ee? It feels easier to me to agree and avoid that con- fl ict or disappointment in the immediate present and hope that I can work it all out later. Danielle suggested “Fawners” should
be prepared to make an Oreo sandwich. Smoosh the no thank you in between two solid sweet positives. T e example she gave went something like this: “I am so hon- ored that you thought of me for this com- mit ee, but I am going to have to decline at this time. I respect this organization and the good works you do, so I would love to revisit this in the future when my plate isn’t quite so full.” Danielle, if you are reading this, I’m not
sure I can do it. Just typing that response made my heart rate go up and a lump to form in my throat. I may be a lost cause. A Forever Fawner. But I am lucky. My kids are older. My husband picks up the slack when I need to miss dinner or if the kids have an appointment that confl icts with court. My In-laws and my sister and her husband live in town and serve as my plans “B,” “C,” and “D” on a regular basis. But what if you aren’t so fortunate and it is all feeling like too much? Which takes me to my fi nal point. It’s
okay to not be okay. T ere is no shame in seeking out help. If things feel overwhelm- ing, please reach out to a therapist, a psy- chiatrist, a friend, or the Kansas Lawyers Assistance Program (K LAP). T e K - LAP off ers services to lawyers, judges, and law students free of charge and completely
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