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“Yes, dear fans,” Jerri informs the audience proudly, “Rex, or Lady Rexanne of Belmont according to her AKC registration, is a female dog and therefore, not the reeking reprobate responsible for this mess!” The crowd claps as Steve leads Rex away in a happy gallop off the stage.
“But… but which dog left the droppings on my lawn then?” asked Mitzi in a confused voice. “It couldn’t have been from another kind of animal..?”
“No,” confirms Jerri. “There most definitely was a dog behind the stinky souvenirs.” He pulls out the last piece of paper from the envelope he was still holding and flourishes it dramatically. The audience murmurs and Mitzi looks around on stage as if she overlooked another canine culprit sitting in plain view.
“According to the test results run by our friends at Hasbone, the dog responsible for these noxious nuggets is… Goliath the Golden!” Jerri triumphantly points to a large TV screen where the face of a very large and very scruffy golden retriever pants and woofs with pride.
Mitzi’s mouth opens and closes in disbelief. “Gol- Goliath?” she stammers. “My son’s dog?”
The audience raucously hoots and hollers, stamping their feet with delight as Mitzi looks baffled at the turn of events.
Jerri turns to the audience and faces them and the camera. “I want to thank Hasbone, the makers of Doggie Doo Identifier test kits for their gracious help today in sniffing out the guilty party. What today’s show has taught us is that we shouldn’t always jump to conclusions or make accusations until we’re first prepared to accuse ourselves. We are all alike, some of us just wear better collars. Deep down, we’re all the same. We want our bellies rubbed, to be taken for long walks and to enjoy the feel of the wind blowing our ears back as we stick out heads out of car windows on the highway. And every dog will have his day. Take care of yourself… and each other.”
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