At the conclusion of every hockey game, both teams engage in a longstanding tradition called the “postgame handshake.”
This is the historic ritual where all of the players and coaches line up on the ice and shake the hands of those on the opposing team. It is often viewed as an honorable and ethical way to demonstrate sportsmanlike conduct – especially in a sport where some of the players shaking hands were very likely coming to blows a period ago on the ice. As a fan, there is something inspirational and admirable in watching hockey players on two different teams shaking hands, patting each other on the back, smiling at each other and sharing a laugh, no matter what transpired in the previous 60 minutes of play.
It has occasionally been argued that the postgame handshake should be discontinued, as it can be an opportunity for disrespectful behavior or additional fights to occur when a player feels slighted by a player on the opposing team. Some players have argued that they should not have to shake the hand of an opposing coach or player who were acting discourteously. Though as Michael W. Austin Ph.D. writes in the March 2016 issue of Psychology Today, “One might also think that the postgame handshake is not just about respect for the opponent, but respect for the game itself. If this is true, then shaking an opponent’s hand after the game is important, even if the opponent has displayed unsportsmanlike conduct.”
The theory of the hockey postgame handshake can also be applied in the “real world.” In the community association environment, for example, there are often many different people, talents and backgrounds coming together to achieve a common goal. Management and boards consisting of various unique personalities and specialties regularly have to work together to pass budgets, select contractors, define scope and details of major projects, present financing options to the homeowners, and conduct other routine business necessary to keep communities skating along.
It can be difficult to work with a board member who constantly has their own agenda, or who tries to please everyone, or
who wants to make important decisions without doing their due diligence. There are also those homeowners and board members who display a little “unsportsmanlike conduct” of their own, making even simple routine tasks difficult to accomplish.
However, as the aforementioned quote from Dr. Austin indicates, the postgame handshake represents respect for the game itself, surpassing any personal feelings a player may have about an opponent. At the end of the day, these two hockey teams came together to engage in a sport they are passionate about, to play in front of their fans and hopefully walk away with a victory. The sport of hockey itself is more important than an insult, vicious cross-check or perceived unfair call experienced on the ice.
Community association board members and managers should first take a step back and realize that the well-being of the association they serve is the overarching goal, taking precedence over personal wants and agendas. Sometimes making a small sacrifice for the good of the community can result in a stronger, more successful association.
You’re on the Same Team
Putting aside petty differences can be the first step. If you have to regularly deal with a difficult personality on a board, remind yourself that this person volunteered to serve on the board; you have a common goal in that you both want to see the association function in good financial health and be a pleasant place in which to own property. When you visualize yourselves as players on the same team, it can help neutralize interactions. Try to go out of your way to be friendly to the difficult individual. After all, maybe they are experiencing some kind of problem in other aspects of their life that is leading them to behave in that way. Ask them how their day went, ask how they like living in the association, ask for their opinion in matters affecting the association. Doing so will demonstrate respect for them and their opinion… and they may just return the favor when you want to express your thoughts on a particular matter of association business.
Sometimes perceived slights are really just honest misunderstandings. This can be very apparent in email communications, where the emotion or true meaning behind an email gets lost in the black-and-white. Some people have trouble expressing themselves in writing. When you don’t hear a person’s tone and inflections in their voice, it can be easy to misread their intentions in a brief email typed out on their smart phone. Try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt; avoid going off on a tangent because of ulterior motives you imagine the other person may be hiding behind that email. Feel free to email the person back, asking if you could have a discussion over the phone or in person at their convenience. It’s a lot more difficult to be impolite when you are speaking face-to-face or over the phone.
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